


With my dying breath

by oneishaa97



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Character Death, Heavy Angst, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH: SUICIDE, Love Hurts, M/M, Malec, Protective Alec Lightwood, Sad Alec Lightwood, Sad Magnus Bane, Someone dies by SUICIDE, Suicide, True Love, i'm sorry???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 09:25:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11483475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oneishaa97/pseuds/oneishaa97
Summary: When he finally pulled back, Magnus' eyes were staring back at him; unmoving and lifeless.





	With my dying breath

_Alexander, My love,_  
_I feel like I've expressed myself time and time again. I had quite a bit of trouble leaving you this letter because I didn't know what to say to you. I feel like we're now strangers instead of past lovers. I loved you so much, Alexander. You said you loved me too and I believed you. Maybe I got a little too excited at the mere thought of you loving me back that I just ignored everything else. Maybe if I had paid attention I might have noticed that you didn't love me at all — not like I loved you._  
_I don't think I can live without you, Alec. I've spent decades alone and it didn't bother me as much as this does. It's like my heart is being ripped apart and I can't make it stop._  
_I'm sorry for whatever I did that forced you to come to this decision._  
_I'm sorry I didn't love you enough._  
_I only ever wanted you to be happy._  
_I thought I could be able to do that for you but obviously I failed._  
_Don't try to look for me. I've left goodbye letters for the little posse. I didn't want to leave without atleast trying to say goodbye._  
_If you've made it thus far I just need to say one last thing:_

_I love you. I always will._  
_For as long as I possess air in my lungs, I will love you forever. Until the end of my days._  
_Live for me, Alec. Don't sell yourself short because you're anything but._  
_You're amazing and kind and your selfless heart is what made me crash and eventually burned for you._  
_Be well, my shadowhunter._  
_Goodbye._

_Magnus Bane._

  
Alec stared at the letter with shaky hands _._

_Magnus was gone_

Alec's eyes dripped with tears. His walls, the walls that always held him up, made him strong just collapsed. Moment by moment, they fell. Salty drops fell from his chin, drenching the letter. Perhaps these tears will help wash the words out. Words he wished never to see again.

_Magnus left_

Magnus felt unloved and worthless. He hadn't meant it. He loved Magnus probably just as much as his warlock loved him. It wasn't a goodbye. It was just _see ya later_ but Magnus didn't know that because Alec never explained it.

_"What? I-I don't get it. Have I done something wrong?" Magnus looked as close to tears as Alec felt but he kept his expression cold; stoic._  
_"This whole thing was wrong. I'm so sorry for having led you on all these months. I realize now how much of a mistake we were and I need to put an end to it before it all comes crashing down. You're immortal. I'm not. It can't work."_  
_Magnus had appeared silent for awhile, his head ducked._  
_He was crying, Alec was certain he was. He felt his heart stutter and for a second he thought to hell with this. It's hurting Magnus._  
_But he couldn't stop. He needed to break Magnus' heart because it was better for him to think for a few hours that he didn't love him at all, if ever than to have him killed for the sole purpose of being someone important in Alec's life._  
_This was his boyfriend. He couldn't let anyone hurt him. He would protect him until his last breath just as he knew Magnus would do for him and has done for him more times than he'd like to admit._  
_The time stretched out; heavy and pregnant but still Magnus said nothing. He just stared at his feet, crying softly._  
_"Goodbye Magnus."_  
_Alec needed to get out of there and fast before he caved and told Magnus that he hadn't really meant it — that it was just to keep him safe, not meant to hurt him._  
_"I love you." Alec stopped, his heart racing in his chest._  
_He turned around to face Magnus, who was now looking up at him with red-rimmed eyes, tears streaming down his cheek._  
_"I love you," he said again, quieter than before but Alec heard it because he'd been listening for it. If he wasn't he would've missed it completely._  
_Alec felt the tears coming, his throat constricting but he pushed it back._  
_He nodded, appearing to look bored with this piece of information._  
_"Goodbye Magnus "_  
_I love you too, Magnus, Alec allowed inwardly._  
_He would always love Magnus Bane._

Alec searched numbly for his phone but before he had the chance to use it for his intended purpose, Isabelle's picture flashed on the screen. He answered almost immediately.  
"Izz —"  
"Magnus is gone!" Izzy exclaimed. She'd sounded like Alec felt; broken.  
Alec encouraged his sister to take deep breaths, he even practiced with her since he, himself needed to relax.  
She explained that she'd found a letter addressed to her tucked under her pillow when she'd returned to her room after a day of battle. She explained that she almost tossed it because she was sure someone was trying to mess with her but she felt almost compelled to read it so she did. She rushed through it at first, then slowly the second time, picking through every word, every emotion Magnus felt at the end of writing his goodbye.

_Goodbye. Magnus was gone_

Magnus had expressed his fondness for the young shadowhunter, not only as his boyfriend's — ex boyfriend's baby sister, but as a shadowhunter, as a person, as his baby sister. He explained that he had never been okay with goodbyes and thought leaving letters were safer as it didn't involve any face to face interaction.  
"I got one too," Alec said softly, rubbing the paper between his fingers.  
"He talks about how much he loves me and how sorry he is for driving me to that decision. He's blaming himself. He thinks he didn't love me enough," Alec chuckled without mirth. "I broke up with him and he's still trying to blame himself." His voice sounded more pained than anything.  
The plan had been simple; get Magnus out of harm's way and the only way the Lightwood siblings thought that might happen was for Alec and Magnus to end their relationship but not really.  
The grandson of one of the demons Alec had slain had come back for revenge. He'd threatened Alec and everything that he held close — everyone that held close.  
_"If anything happens to Magnus —"_  
_"Alec, we won't let anyone hurt him," Jace said, surprising them all._  
_"Magnus is your boyfriend, therefore he is family and we protect family."_  
In an attempt to save Magnus' life the trio decided to have Alec end things with Magnus, not really but only they would know it. Magnus had to believe it because if he didn't no one else would and they needed everyone to believe that they weren't together anymore. He needed everyone to believe that he never cared about the downworlder, Magnus Bane.  
He needed to save Magnus' life. 

 

* * *

 

 

_Alexander, I love you._

Magnus sighed, scrapping the paper, tossing aside along with the other papers that didn't make the cut. Goodbyes were hard; especially when the person you intended to say goodbye to probably wouldn't even care.  
With a flick of his wrist, a glass of champagne appeared in Magnus' hand. He stared at the amber liquid, his cat eyes blazing, as if the beverage held the answers to all of his questions. The most troubling question being: Why did Alexander break up with him?  
They hadn't fought and Magnus was sure he hadn't done anything to upset him so he couldn't understand.  
Frowning, he picked up a few envelopes, opening them to take a peek inside. How awkward would it be to mix up the letters.  
He picked up his pen and started scribbling the names of the young shadowhunters and a certain vampire, he'd grown incredibly close to over the few months.

**_Isabelle Belle_ **  
**_Jace 'not pretty boy' Herondale_ **  
**_Biscuit_ **  
**_Infamous Daylighter_ **

Magnus' dark lashes brimmed heavy with tears; his hands clenched into shaking fists, in a desperate battle against the grief.  
"I made you some tea," Catarina Loss, his very best friend, said quietly, handing him a cup of peppermint tea.  
"This will help you rest."  
Magnus thanked her with a slow nod of his head, bringing the cup to his lips, inhaling the minty beverage.  
He took a small sip, the hot liquid spreading through him like wildfire.  
"I don't know why I thought it would be any different," Magnus whispered miserably, placing the cup of tea on the table in front of him. He blinked briny tears from bloodshot eyes, his thick lashes stuck together in clumps as if he'd been swimming. The tears made wet tracks down his face and dripped from his stubbled, wobbling chin.  
Slow desolate tears ran from Cat's unblinking eyes and dripped steadily onto the front of her shirt.  
"I hate seeing you so broken, Magnus. I can't believe that little brat hurt you like this." Catarina was furious but most of all she was hurt; hurt for Magnus who didn't deserve any of this. Magnus, who had always helped her out of her rough patches and did everything he could to make the people he loved happy and comfortable yet he still got his heart broken. He deserved happiness. He deserved to be loved.  
"Catarina," Magnus sighed, sniffling into his sleeves.  
"I just don't want to talk about him anymore. He broke my heart, I don't need to be reminded every waking moment."  
Cat sighed but nodded anyway.  
"I've already prepared the guestroom for you and placed out fresh towels. You must be tried."  
Magnus thanked her quietly before retiring to his room for the evening. He was tired. Portals took quite a ton on him especially when he wasn't up to it.  
With a flick of his wrist, he was changed into a fresh pair of sweatpants and a white T-shirt, his face rid of makeup.  
He made his way over to the bed.  
_I'll never share a bed with Alec ever again,_ he thought sadly.  
_I hope my letter was enough but most importantly I hope he reads._

What Magnus didn't know was that Alec had read his letter. He'd read it alot, so often that he was almost certain that he could hear Magnus' voice reading it back to him. He later learned that him and Isabelle weren't the only ones to receive letters. Clary had gotten one, Simon, Raphael, even Jace had a letter, though his wasn't as cuddly as Clary and Isabelle's was, Jace had felt sort of happy before he felt immense sadness again because Magnus was gone. In his last moments spent before he packed up to leave he made sure he left Jace a reminder of how good of a shadowhunter he was.  
_You're not always a good brother or person for that matter but you do the right thing. You protect those you hold close and that must be applauded. Be good now, Jace Herondale but knowing you, you know nothing about being good so just be the best bad you can be for yourself and for your siblings._

_Be well, until next time._

_Magnus Bane_

Jace had teared up just a bit, for a little while before straightening up. He needed to be strong for his parabatai because he felt how much he hurt; how badly he needed Magnus to come back and love him the way he still loved his warlock.  
Simon had openly wept, wiping snot all over Clary's shirt but she didn't seem to mind. She just held him; staring off to nothing in particular and everything in sight.

_Simon,_

_I don't know what to say to you but I guess that's how I started all of my letters and I'd somehow finished them so I guess I'll finish yours too._  
_You may not believe any of this but you are the bravest, besides my Raphael, fledging to ever exist. You were scared but you fought it; for Clary and for yourself. You had so much faith in your love for her that you accepted your fate without as much as a second glace. Sure, you were angry for a bit but then you understood, fairly quickly, might I add._  
_Don't tell him I said this but Raphael hadn't been that quick to bounce back but you Simon Lewis, you did it like it was nothing and I admire you so much for that alone. That love that you hold in your heart for Clary will either be your undoing or your complete bliss, depending on how you use it. Be brave, fellow downworlder. If you ever need help reach out to Raphael. He doesn't hate you, he just doesn't understand how you could do what no other vampire could and for that alone he is a bit jealous but he means well because I raised him better than that._

_Be well, my little downworlder._  
_Rock out and keep writing beautiful music._

_Magnus Bane_

"Does no one have any idea where he could possibly be?" Simon asked, his voice raspy from crying.  
Alec swore he didn't. He swore he checked everywhere; reach out to everyone he knew that knew Magnus but to no avail. No one knew where he was.  
_If Magnus Bane doesn't want to be found you won't find him._  
The faerie's voice played on a loop in Alec's head. How did everything turn so bad so quickly?  
He should've listened to his gut. He should've trusted it when it was practically yelling at him to tell Magnus the truth. Magnus had taught him to always follow his gut and he always had until that moment, of course.  
His stupidity had caused him his boyfriend. The only person that loved him when he, himself hadn't thought himself to be worthy of love. Magnus Bane found a way inside those walls he'd built so high and torn them down, brick by brick until there was nothing there.  
Magnus Bane, the only man he'd ever truly loved was gone and he didn't know where else to look for him.  
"What about his friend, Catarina Loss? The warlock. Magnus spoke about her once, said she was one of his oldest and closet friends," Isabelle had suggested.  
Alec closed his eyes briefly just enough to blink down the tears threatening him.  
He blew out a long, tired breath.  
"Magnus would talk about her but I never met her. I don't have her number hence I can't call her hence I can't get Magnus back!" Alec's voice cracked and Jace winched. He felt that. He could feel Alec's pain as clearly as his own. He held his parabatai's pain in the depths of his heart.  
"We can ask someone, Alec. We'll get Magnus back." Isabelle forced herself to make her voice sound strong and truthful for her hurting brother but even she hadn't known what else to do. She didn't think it would be wise to call Catarina Loss and have to explain that Alec Lightwood, the shadowhunter, broke her best friend's heart.  
Yeah, that wouldn't end well but she knew Alec didn't care about being yelled at or hit if it came to that. He just wanted Magnus. He _needed_ Magnus.

 

* * *

 

The Lightwood siblings and Simon stood in front of an apartment door, shifting nervously on their feet. Isabelle tugging her fingers through the knots of her long, black hair nervously, Alec digging his nails into the palm of his hand to somehow numb himself from what he was about to face, Jace remained stoic but Alec could tell that he was just as nervous and Simon looked like at any given moment he would pass out.  
It had taken them three whole weeks but they had finally gotten Catarina's address from one of the warlock's she had crossed back in the day. He still held a grudge for a reason Alec didn't care to listen to. He just wanted Magnus.  
Three weeks in an empty bed was too much for him. Three weeks without telling Magnus that he loved him and would always love him was ruining him from the inside out.  
It took a few minutes before soft footsteps were heard making their way over to the door.  
Alec found himself at that moment remembering the last time him and Magnus had made love.

_Magnus moaned against his boyfriend's ear; a sound Alec had come to love so much in the past few months. Alec grunted in response, dragging out of Magnus before plunging back in. Magnus clutched his boyfriend's shoulders tightly, accepting the little burn that came with Alec's deep thrust._  
_"You're gonna come now, aren't you?" Alec asked — more like demanded and Magnus whimpered, his ankles locking at Alec's back. He ghosted small kisses along the side of Alec's jaw earning a moan and a deeper thrust, which hit his prostate perfectly. Magnus screamed out, his fingers digging into his lover's shoulder, so deep he was sure he'd draw blood but Alec didn't seem to mind._  
_"I love you" Alec whispered , propping himself up on his elbows, gazing into his boyfriend's unglamored yellow-green cat eyes, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes._  
_"I love you so much it hurts," Alec whispered. Magnus gave him a small smile and whispered his love back, squeezing Alec's biceps. Something Alec had learned meant faster during their love making so he obliged, pushing himself deeper into his boyfriend's warmth._  
_Alec placed his head in the crook of Magnus' neck picking up his speed, his thrusts coming sharp and erratic letting his warlock know that he was close. Magnus clenched around him tightly before he was screaming out — probably the loudest Alec had ever heard him and Magnus was always pretty loud. In a swift movement, Alec threw Magnus' leg over his shoulder, allowing him to access him deeper. He plunged deeper and faster and harder chasing down his own release. Feeling Magnus clenching up again, he finally let go, painting his walls with his love, riding Magnus through his third orgasm for the night._

"—hell are you Shadowhunters here?"  
Alec's eyes snapped up, dragging over the entirely blue woman standing just mere inches from his face. Her bright blue eyes shone brightly, almost blinding him on sight. He suspected that was exactly what she'd planned to do. Her soft dark hair fell in a thick braid over her shoulder, stopping just above her hipbone Alec noticed.  
"Good day Miss Loss," Isabelle spoke up; her words clear and determined. "We might have received information that our friend, Magnus Bane have been occupying residence here at your lovely home. If you would be so kind as to let us see him for just—"  
Isabelle had been interrupted by Catarina's laughter; a soft, taunting thing.  
"Your friend?" She asked mockingly. "Your brother," she said in disgust, swinging her eyes to Alec's wide hazel ones, "broke his heart. What did he do that was so bad?"  
Simon stepped forward looking ready to defend Alec when Isabelle glared at him. Alec needs to give her an answer — the same one he would give to Magnus might he be so lucky.  
"He didn't do anything. I made a mis—"  
"You're damn right he hasn't done anything," she snarled, pulling her lips back to reveal very sharp teeth. "Magnus has had more heartbreaks than he's had relationships and you know he's been with alot of people. He _trusted_ you. He _loved_ you and you — all of you, hurt him.  
She was now in Alec's face, poking her forefinger into Alec's chest. Alec could only stand completely still, letting the very angry, very blue warlock have her way with him.  
Her voice shook a little then the tears came. She looked utterly spent like she'd spent weeks without sleep and considering how close her and Magnus are she probably did. He couldn't think of Magnus denying his needs, staring at the ceiling wondering what he'd done wrong.  
"He's broken. Alec, he's...I can't tell you how many times I caught him with only half an inch of life rushing through his veins and everytime I'd nurtured him back he'd ask me the same question over and over again.  
Why _didn't you let me die, Cat? You should've let me._  
Each time, Cat smiled softly and carefully explained to Magnus that it wasn't his time yet and he needed to live. If not for Alec, do it for yourself.  
Isabelle gasped, bringing her hands to her face to wipe away the tears that had fallen. Cat looked over at her and her face softened.  
"There's only so much heartbreak a person can take, shadowhunters. Only so much until they crack and Magnus has cracked. He split right down the middle."  
Her eyes swung back to Alec's. "If you ever cared about him at all just let him go. If it's possible let him find another chance to be happy; with a guy or girl of his choice or maybe just be happy with himself and learn that he is enough, that it isn't his fault."  
"I love him," Alec blurted out, receiving a tight smile from Cat. She didn't believe me and why would she when he played with her best friend's heart.  
"I really do. I broke up with him to protect him. I wasn't really leaving him but when I got back he was gone."  
Alec started explaining the whole story to Cat, who listened intently, never interrupting, not even once.  
She sighed after he'd finished.  
"Quite a tale, shadowhunter."  
Isabelle frowned. "He's not in there, is he?"  
Cat rolled her eyes, those indigo darts — sharp yet still full of emotion. They weren't heavy or blunt, just apparent.  
"Took you awhile. He hasn't been here for the past week."  
Simon sighed dramatically, pushing himself against the closest wall he could find.  
Cat chuckled dryly. "He likes you, daylighter though I can't really understand why."  
Simon's eyes snapped up, trailing over the woman's slender form. Glaring at her, he growled, "It's not my fault you're a smurf."  
Catarina's expression softened and for a second there Simon thought he might have offended her. He opened his mouth to apologize but she cut him off.  
"My son loves the smurfs. I don't understand why," she smiled.  
Simon grinned back before the clearing of Isabelle's throat dragged his eyes away from the blue woman.  
"Can you please just tell us where he is now? Please, we all miss him."  
Catarina studied them for a minute. The nephilim children.  
They all seemed to really want to talk to Magnus especially the sister, Isabelle. Alec, she supposed, wanted to see him too but Isabelle looked completely devastated.  
Catarina sighed, turning on her heels without a word, and walked back into the apartment. She didn't shut the door behind her so Isabelle took it as an invite and marched forward only to be pulled back by Jace.  
"Don't upset her, Izzy."  
Isabelle scoffed and ripped her arm out of Jace's grip, following Catarina inside.  
"Here," Catarina whispered, holding out a piece of paper. The paper that may lead them to Magnus.  
"Thank you," Isabelle muttered gratefully, carefully tucking the paper in her pocket. Catarina only nodded.  
"Greet him for me, won't you?"  
Isabelle nodded.  
She was about to leave when...  
"Have your brother give him some time. Magnus is...well he won't just take him back with open arms. It doesn't matter how much he loves him and how much he wants him back. He's going to be stubborn about it, he's going to act like he's moved on though he really hasn't. I couldn't say this in front of the others but Magnus has these thoughts."  
Isabelle frowned, closing in on the blue woman.  
"What kind of thoughts?"  
Catarina sighed, magicking up a cup of coffee. Isabelle smiled fondly, remembering how effortlessly Magnus could do that. She didn't think she'd see that for a quite if at all.  
"Magnus thinks he's lived enough."  
Isabelle's insides contracted; running cold. Her heart felt as though it might explode in her chest. Her skin felt clammy as she leaned on a wall.  
"Magnus wants to die?" Her voice quivered, barely above a whisper.  
"He's tired, Isabelle. You know what it's like to be tired. During your yin-feng days, you felt as if the entire world was against and nothing would ever be right again—"  
"But I fought that," Isabelle said, wiping her clammy hands onto her jeans, "Magnus can too."  
Catarina smiled, albeit a sad one.  
"Magnus has lived for centuries. When history keeps repeating itself you just... give up, you know? He's hurting and wants to stop hurting. He loves your brother, trust me he does but he hates him too. He loves him but he also hates him for doing that to him, for hurting him when he swore he wouldn't."  
When she speaks her voice trails slowly, like her words are unwilling to take flight. There is a sadness in her eyes, the blue too glossy.  
Isabelle nods slowly and thanks Catarina before walking back to her brothers and Simon.  
She explained some of what Catarina told her to the guys, omitting the Magnus _wanting to die bit._ Alec didn't need that.  
"France?" Simon asked, his eyes lighting up like a kid in a candy store. "I've never been."  
Jace rolled his eyes. "Who said you're even coming? Who said any of us are going?" Isabelle perked up. "I don't know if you know this, Jace but I got the address so Alec and I will go get Magnus. You guys can stay if you want."

 

* * *

 

The day they were dreading had finally arrived. Alec and Isabelle stood in front of apartment 09, in the heart of Bordeaux, France. Alec yawned into the back of his hand. He hadn't slept the night before and it was showing badly. By morning his bed sheets were in a knot and aside from a few fit-full half hours of vivid dreams he didn't sleep a wink. His brain was constantly searching for any sign that Magnus was alright, like a cell phone seeking a signal when he moves through the mountain passes. But like the Magnus' phone he was out of range, unreachable.  
Isabelle brought her hand to doorbell, hesitantly before pushing it once...twice.  
They waited for what seemed like hours though it was only for about two minutes before Isabelle grabbed her stele and drew the listening rune onto the door. They listened and listened some more but there was nothing to be heard from the other side.  
"Alec, I don't think he's in there —"  
The rest of Isabelle's words was lost in the loud crash that came from the other side. Alec sprung up immediately, kicking down the door. Isabelle followed close behind. The apartment appeared to look normal enough — expensive but everything Magnus owned was expensive so that wasn't a shock to anyone.  
Isabelle nodded at him and maneuvered towards the kitchen. A gasping sound could be heard and she immediately activated her whip. It didn't seem like Magnus was alone or if he was he wasn't okay.  
Alec took the opposite end of the apartment, pushing through the apartment slowly.  
Alec stilled then staggered backwards. _A blood trail._  
_Magnus_

The liquid expanded quickly. It was heading towards him, and every limb in his body screamed for him to run. He didn't listen though. Magnus could be hurt. He didn't wait for it to reach his feet, he took off sprinting in it's direction, stopping in front of a wooden door. It was a rather strange door, Alec thought, isolated from the rest of the other rooms but Alec couldn't dwell on that. He had to get to Magnus!  
He pushed through the door and almost dropped to his knees.  
Magnus laid completely still in the middle of the empty room, dark red blood making its way out of his body.  
"Magnus!" Alec rushed over, tripping over his own legs before reaching to his bleeding boyfriend. He ripped at Magnus' shirt, pulling the man into his lap. Blood oozes between the space between his fingers as he covers Magnus' chest with a shaky hand, trying to find where the blood was coming from. His vision blurred as his now red shirt turns darker and all Alec could see was the scarlet blood that once flowed in Magnus' veins. Each drop of blood slowly takes away the life in him, leaving him pale and weak, yet defying death.  
"Alec?" Magnus asked weakly, his eyes opened slowly revealing his unglamored yellow-green eyes. He was weak — way too weak to glamour his eyes so he just didn't. Alec clutched him tighter and the warlock protested weakly.  
Alec started ripping at his shirt, his pants and even took off his shoes trying to find where the blood was coming from. He pressed him closer against his body to stop the free flowing surge of sticky blood.  
"Who did this to you, Magnus?" Alec whispered against the man's hair, tears flowing like a lazy river down his rosy cheek.  
"A-Alexan-derr," Magnus choked out, curling his fingers into Alec's shirt.  
"I'm here. What happened?"  
Blood slid down Magnus' arm and soaked the cloth material of his shirt.  
"I love you." Magnus' gripped Alec's shirt tighter or as tight as he could with the little strength he had.  
"Magnus —"  
"I love you, Alexander Lightwood."  
A lone tear traced down his cheek, and just like that, Alec's floodgates opened.  
He wept, tears streaming from his soft hazel eyes, loud, heaving sobs tearing from his throat.  
"I'll kill whoever did this to you."  
Magnus smiled, bringing his bloodied hands to Alec's face, brushing away his tears.  
"You won't have to. He's a-already d-dying."  
"Who?" Alec demanded, clenching his jaw tightly. Salty tears were dripping into his mouth but he couldn't bring himself to care about that.  
"I-I did this to m-myself. I did this, Alec."  
_There's only so much heartbreak a person can take, shadowhunters. Only so much until they crack and Magnus has cracked. He split right down the middle_  
Catarina's words played around in Alec's head; taunting him almost.  
_No_ , Alec thought. _Magnus wouldn't do that. He wouldn't take himself away from me. He knows how much I love him._  
_But he doesn't,_ his inner voice snapped. _You told him you didn't. You told him that he was a mistake._  
_He split right down the middle_  
Alec's grip loosen and he was falling back, dragging Magnus along with him. Magnus hissed as his frail body dragged across the floor, red liquid seeping out of his body — wherever it was coming from.  
"I love you, Alec." Magnus repeated, his breathing coming quicker.  
"I can't be without you. I-I know that y-you don't l-love me back and I unders—"  
"I love you, Magnus. I love you so much. God, I love you."  
Alec plunged into his story, not stopping to see if Magnus was listening or not, he needed to get it out. He needed Magnus to know that he felt it as strongly as he did and he needed that love to survive. He couldn't live without it — without Magnus.  
"I'm sorry for what I said but I didn't mean any of it. I love you, Magnus. I need you here with me, please. Please don't leave me."  
Black filled the edges of Magnus' vision and the only thing he could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat. His breath came in ragged, shallow gasps. He felt Alec gripping him tighter, apologizing profusely, begging him not to leave because he couldn't live without him. Words Magnus longed to hear for the past 4 weeks, words he needed to survive but it was too late. The spell couldn't be undone.  
Magnus Bane would die to the tearing of his own breaking heart. His heart was literally being destroyed in his chest.  
Seconds passed as he laid there, then, he heard voices — a voice.  
_Isabelle_.  
She dropped to her knees, her hands roaming all over him, trying to help him, he realized. They wanted to save him.  
Isabelle was crying noisily. She gripped Alec's shoulder trying to get his attention but Alec's eyes wouldn't leave Magnus'. Not even when his chin trembled and his vision blurred. He kept his eyes on Magnus the whole time. Just watching him breathe.  
"Isabelle," Magnus croaked, dragging his eyes open to where the young shadowhunter kneeled besides her brother. Magnus held out a bloody hand for her to grab and she did with no hesitation.  
"Magnus."  
Magnus smiled at her, softly, brushing his thumb against the back of her hand.  
"Take care of your brother. Will you promise?"  
Isabelle nodded, too overwhelmed by emotions to do anything else.  
Magnus let his eyes fall shut after that. He was suddenly tired and knew that only meant he wouldn't last too long.  
"Alec?"  
Alec squeezed his fingers in response, wetting his face with his tears but Magnus didn't mind. What better way to die than wrapped up in your lover's arms.  
"I love you."  
His breath became ragged, his voice stuttering in shallow gasps, and was slowing with hardened tears, they rolled slowly one at a time in streaks down his face.  
"I love you too."  
From Alec's arms he looked into his eyes and tightened up again as a wave of pain washed over him.  
Alec gripped Magnus' now scarlet red shirt as if that act alone could hold him to Earth forever.  
Magnus' breathing slowed, his grip on Alec's shirt slackened, his yellow-green eyes looked faded like a sweater that had been washed way too many times. He looked up at Alec with great difficulty, his eyes shutting without him permitting them to.  
"I love you, Magnus," Alec whimpered, lowering down to Magnus' level. Without any kind of warning he captured Magnus' lips with his own. He tasted like blood, pain, sadness but mostly he tasted like love and happiness, hope. Magnus opened his mouth slowly and Alec slipped his tongue into Magnus' mouth, sucking hungrily on the warlock's tongue.  
Alec pulled back to look Magnus in the eye. His warlock met his wide, soft hazel eyes and gave him a tired smile before Alec attacked his lips again. Kissing him until he felt Magnus' lips stop moving against his, kissing him even after he felt Magnus' stopped kissing him and he kissed him a long time after that. He just needed to feel Magnus' lips on his until he couldn't anymore.  
When he finally pulled back, Magnus' eyes were staring back at him; unmoving and lifeless.

 

**Author's Note:**

> This took me quite awhile to finish. It's been a rollercoaster and I may or may not have bawled my eyes out while writing this.  
> If you think I only wrote angst because I'm a sad, sad person... You're right. 
> 
> I love angst can you tell???
> 
> Comments are tissues to wipe away our tears ✨


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